Dr. Brene Brown is a research professor, TedX speaker and has many more feathers in her cap. I am reading her book Daring Greatly and it’s definitely worth a read.
Few things from her book hit me and I would like to share it.
So, let’s get started with this dailog from 3 Idiots, I guess,we all are familiar with, ‘ agar naukri nhi hogi , koi baap apni ladki nhi dega, samaaj ijzat nhi krega…..’and it goes on.
So, Men are basically the Ambuja cement of the society. Men need to stop feeling, start earning, put everyone in their place, and climb their way to the top or die trying. Been there, done that?
Yeah, so rule for the men is- ‘ Don’t be weak.
Let’s just jot down the points :
- Men can’t be soft, emotional
- Men can’t be sensitive
- Men can’t reveal their weakness
- Men can’t be wrong
- Men can’t be afraid
And the list goes on…
Consider this story…
A man lost his job. His father knew , his closest friends knew, but his wife didn’t. Every single day, he would get dressed , leave the house like he was going to work.
Was this male ego, which made him pretend in such a manner or Was it an utter matter of shame for him, that he was unemployed now?
‘ She doesn’t want to know. If she already knows, she wants me to keep pretending.’ He answered.
‘Knowing would change the way she feels about me. She didn’t sign up for this’, he continued.
Now, here’s a painful pattern that Dr. Brene Brown observed.
Girls tell boys to open up, share their feelings. Girls beg the boys to let them in and plead them to tell when they are afraid, but the truth is most girls/ women can’t stomach it.
Somehow, if the boy tries to open up, girls are like, ‘ Common! Pull it together. Man up.’
As men very well know and understand, what women want. Men get really good at pretending ( Men, thereby go with the ‘Mard ko dard nhi hota’ philosphy).
The second major thing is, if men ever feel that they are unable to do justice to the so called rule that, ‘ Men are never weak ‘, they choose one of the following responses.
For instance, if a girl compares her boy to someone rich, then the boy will feel the rush of inadequacy and smallness. Either he will respond with anger or will completely shut himself down.
So most of the times, girls tend to witness the dominanting and harsh side of men.
It’s a circle that we all are trapped in. Girls want boys to share their true self, but can’t really accept the weak side of boys. And if a girl points out the weakness, the boys either lose their cool or they turn off.
We all are at fault somewhere. But things could work out , if we are just a bit more aware of our actions.
Dr. Brown says the key to her relationship is vulnerability ( the quality of being exposed) , love, humor, respect, shame-free fighting and blame free living.
As, they say, it’s so much easier to be real when we know we are loved.
Love to all…!
Thanks for reading.
Will be sharing about girls next time.