Least mindful
Floating intoxicated
Over and above
Contention between
my desires
and the real me
I am the infinity
with an end.
Least mindful
Floating intoxicated
Over and above
Contention between
my desires
and the real me
I am the infinity
with an end.
I have freed myself
from the desire
The perpetual desire
of having
flowers of your appreciation that smell attention
I no longer desire your flowers to validate and assure me of my worth
The perpetual desire left me but how
It left me
when
I blessed myself with a flower
that
was rooted in the soil of my worthiness grew in the sunshine of my love
and
bloomed in the air of acceptance
I became my own flower.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
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Thanks for dropping by !!
My frowns and tears
even after so many years
fail to assimilate that
it’s not always about me
Yes, it’s not about me
I have to play a role
that is
not only aligned
with my calling
but also paves the way for the rest
to get closer to their calling
I have to lose my certainties and securities
because
everything that’s happening
is not about me
It’s about something much bigger than me
As a kid, I created questions for everything
As a young girl, I still do
But what I do more often these days
is build up explanations and interjections
that account my behavior, actions and gestures
I weave from my words
a beautiful and right story
that firstly, premiers in my mind
and then hit the screens of people
The story that is devoid of any errors
of rejections, failures, insecurities, weaknesses or mistakes
and that only comprises strengths, securities, successes and winnings
I have lost my real courage
courage of showing the real
The courage
that expressed and embraced my flaws
that stood firm beside my mistakes
that enveloped my wrong decisions in its arms
that proudly announced my falls
What I hold on to cautiously
are the fragile and pretentious layers
of all the right and good things
which together support
the insecure ego
the ego that is an imposter
that has deceived the real me
that has wrapped me in a
shining, glittery gift wrap of acceptance and attention
the wrap that one day will get torn
and leave me bruised and scathed
Will leave me bruised and scathed
.
.
Thanks for reading !
So this incident happened in beginning of 2017 and now it’s almost mid of 2018. I couldn’t think of this incident without throwing myself into a pool of anger and distress. Our conversation then happened in such a rush, that I couldn’t really frame my response and I had to leave the room with a tang of some hurting thoughts in my mind.
What bothers me is not his behavior at that time, but how I could have handled the situation better because somewhere I had already felt that the fizz of mortification bubbling up within me, as I listened and left the room. I could have responded then and there.
So, more than a year had passed and I still found myself sailing in the same boat of my hurt feelings, when that incident crossed my mind. I was upset and sad because I was responsible for hurting myself and it was something that was popping time and again.
But recently I happened to listen to Eckhart Tolle, the modern day spiritual guru and writer of the interinternational best seller ‘The Power of Now’ and that kind of relaxed my mind.
The reason I was gravitated into this pool of grief every time the thought of that incident crossed my mind was ,because I was guilty and I couldn’t account for my behavior to myself.
But Eckhart, says one shouldn’t feel guilty, as one behaved at that moment according to one’s consciousness and awareness at that time. One didn’t know any better way then.
Also, as Maya Angelou, the world renowned poetess says, ‘ When you know better, you do better’.
The words of these highly revered people put my mind to ease. I had performed in that incident to best of my ability, the best I could do. So, there’s no point of getting upset again and again because of the guilt. Now, that I have learnt it through a bitter way, I will respond better the next time or you can say, respond in the best way I know or my consciousness knows at that moment. This awareness, kind of freed me from the guilt. It really did help him.
Here’s the link of the video, that helped me.
I hope this article and the video shared help you in some way.
Thanks for reading !