Blessed !

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I have freed myself
from the desire

The perpetual desire
of having
flowers of your appreciation                    that smell attention

I no longer                                                      desire your flowers                                      to validate and assure me                          of my worth

The perpetual desire left me                      but how

It left me

when

I blessed myself with a flower
that
was rooted in the soil of my worthiness grew in the sunshine of my love
and
bloomed in the air of acceptance

I became my own flower.

 

Not about me !

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My frowns and tears

even after so many years

fail to assimilate that

it’s not always about me

Yes, it’s not  about me

I have to play a role

that is

not only aligned

with my calling

but also paves the way for the rest

to get closer to their calling

I have to lose my certainties and securities

because

everything that’s happening

is not about me

It’s about something much bigger than me

 

 

 

Scathed

 

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As a kid, I created questions for everything

As a young girl, I still do

But what I do more often these days

is build up explanations and interjections

that account my behavior, actions and gestures

I weave from my words

a beautiful and right story

that firstly, premiers in my mind

and then hit the screens of people

The story that is devoid of any errors

of rejections, failures, insecurities, weaknesses or mistakes

and that only comprises strengths, securities, successes and winnings

I have lost my real courage

courage of showing the real

The courage

that expressed and embraced my flaws

that stood firm beside my mistakes

that enveloped my wrong decisions in its arms

that proudly announced my falls

What I hold on to cautiously

are the fragile and pretentious layers

of all the right and good things

which together support

the insecure ego

the ego that is an imposter

that has deceived the real me

that has wrapped me in a

shining, glittery gift wrap of acceptance and attention

the wrap that one day will get torn

and leave me bruised and scathed

Will leave me bruised and scathed

Hurtful-Words

.

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Thanks for reading !

 

 

 

 

 

Freedom from bad memory

 

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So this incident happened in beginning of 2017 and now it’s almost mid of 2018. I couldn’t think of this incident without throwing myself into a pool of anger and distress. Our conversation then happened in such a rush, that I couldn’t really frame my response and I had to leave the room with a tang of some hurting thoughts in my mind.

What bothers me is not his behavior at that time, but how I could have handled the situation better because somewhere I had already felt that the fizz of mortification bubbling up within me, as I listened and left the room. I could have responded then and there.

So, more than a year had passed and I still found myself sailing in the same boat of my hurt feelings, when that incident crossed my mind. I was upset and sad because I was responsible for hurting myself and it was something that was popping time and again.

But recently I happened to listen to Eckhart Tolle, the modern day spiritual guru and writer of the interinternational best seller ‘The Power of Now’ and that kind of relaxed my mind.

The reason I was gravitated into this pool of grief every time the thought of that incident crossed my mind was ,because I was guilty and I couldn’t account for my behavior to myself.

But Eckhart, says one shouldn’t feel guilty, as one behaved at that moment according to one’s consciousness and awareness at that time. One didn’t know any better way then.

Also, as Maya Angelou, the world renowned poetess says, ‘ When you know better, you do better’.

The words of these highly revered people put my mind to ease. I had performed in that incident to best of my ability, the best I could do. So, there’s no point of getting upset again and again because of the guilt. Now, that I have learnt it through a bitter way, I will  respond better the next time or you can say, respond in the best way I know or  my consciousness knows at that moment. This awareness, kind of freed me from the guilt. It really did help him.

Here’s the link of the video, that helped me.

I hope this article and the video shared help you in some way.

Thanks for reading !