My Bedtime Story

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This is not a ususal bed time story. It’s the story that my mother and I live.

I am away from home these days and besides the people of my family, I also miss my bed.

I have got a double bed all for myself at my home. It’s a home inside my home for me. I am always sitting at the corner of the right side of my bed. One turn and I might be off the bed on the floor. Actually, according to my Mom, I do have many occupants on my bed, my books, handkerchief , mobile, glass of water etcetera. My mother hates them and  wants them to leave me, so that I can take the centre stage of my bed (the middle of my bed ). She often keeps reprimanding the occupants on my bed (organizing them) and side by side narrates me a bed time story after everyday or two. The stories she shares are of a different genre : request, order, threat. The moral of the story is how important it is to be at the centre of the stage(centre of my bed).

Away from home, I also have a double bed for me but I sit at the centre of my bed, have got no occupants.

Away from home, I always try to do what you would have wanted me to. I take care of things and myself, the way you would have. I am trying to follow each moral of your every story. 

But trust me, when I will be back home, I will again sit at the corner, just to hear that bed time story.

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Thanks for dropping by !

Discourse

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I didn’t know there was someone more nervous than me, when I was leaving my hometown for the first time, until recently when she shared it with me.

‘ I got a severe headache, and was unable to sleep. I was anxious and nervous galore. I was wondering how would you survive in the town where you knew no one. But all my fears were dispelled when I started chanting the sacred verses.’, said my grandmother.

Her belief in the higher power, makes her stronger to set us free.

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I fared goodbye to all family members, and when I hugged her the last time before leaving, while unwrapping my arms, I noticed she was on the verge of crying. She showered some blessings onto me, and I noticed that her tears had made up their way into her voice. Tears welled up in my eyes, I avoided her gaze, and quickly ran towards the taxi. I couldn’t cry in front of her.

She had set me free in her world; This was the beginning, she had set herself free from us.

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Thanks for reading ! Have a good day !

Grief in my friend’s smile

His presence

brought her to see the city unknown

His charm

made her twirl on the beats of his heart

His eyes

captivated her happiness

His smile

appeased her restlessness

His talks

echoed in her silence

His love

infested her heart

She was ignorant to the perspicuous

And, we, her friends, could sense his conspicuous perfidiousness

Years have passed,

Our meetings are nothing but a seance

where we try to contact the dead

‘liveliness’ of our friend

Hope is all we got. Hope.

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When I met her, she was the most chirpy person, who lived and cared  deeply. She lost herself in a relation. She gave away too much and drifted away from herself. She is fine now. But every time she smiles, I feel her concealed grief and that breaks my heart. I just hope she sees the abundant love in and around her and this realisation would be her salvation.

 

 

 

 

When trees sway !

It had been a long and daunting task to reach home this time. I was stuck in a mess at a place 155 miles away from my home. The mess was of a meeting that wasn’t happening. I so wanted to wrap it up and head back home not only because it had been two weeks already since I had left home (yes, my home sickness starts within 2 weeks of leaving my home), but also because of the terrible allergy that I had got at that place.

My whole body had become a play ground for the rashes. The medicines weren’t helping either. I just knew that when I will get back home, the allergy will leave me. There were no two ways about it. But, this dreaded meeting was getting postponed again and again due to some unprecedented reasons.

But then one blissful day  the mess of the meeting cleared and I got back in my city beautiful ( Chandigarh, the city I was born in, is actually given the name of City Beautiful ), the fresh and cool breeze, was just what I was looking for.

 

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The City Beautiful- Chandigarh, India

 

I was brimming with excitement  to see those trees yet again. My eyes widened, just like the child who has got his lost toy back, when I saw those trees waving at me.

Yes, I had concocted a story as a child that when trees sway in the breeze, they are saying a ‘Hi’ to me. So, yes I would wave back at them albeit not publically.

In Chandigarh, there are trees along the roadsides, and they all were waving at me. It was like, they were welcoming me back.

 

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Trees on Chandigarh roads

 

I never knew such stories concocted as a child,would give me so much joy.

I got off the bus, collected my luggage, and took out my phone to check the taxi updates, while sitting in the bus only I had  booked my taxi to avoid any time lapse. I called the driver, he had reached at the destination, I rushed to towards the taxi spot, adjusting my three bags, transferring the weight from one hand to the other after every few steps I walked.

Before I could see the taxi, the driver identified me and waved at me. He helped me with my bags and then I began on yet another short journey of 30 minutes, but this time it was my city.

The emotions were inexplicable. I was looking out of the window as if I was looking at something new yet familiar for the first time. I was literally smiling.

There were emotions of this subtle victory. It was like a new layer of confidendence had enveloped me. And now I know that when you come back, you come back with new experiences. You know that you survived in the alien land. You know that you not only began your journey there but also sustained it. You managed things on your own there without much support.

Perhaps, when we come back, we are not the same, we always return wiser.

So, the happiness was not just on the surface, my soul was rejoicing.

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As we waited on the traffic signals, I looked outside not in a manner that I was a part of it, but as an observer. I was observing my city. Yes, my city. Just like a father silently observes his kids playing, and smiles in gratitude and also wonders what has he done to get such bundles of joy. I had become that  father in that moment , even though technically the city has raised me.

It was a fabulous feeling of stillness amongst the racing emotions.

I continued my observation outside the window. After all the city was welcoming me back. I know it missed me as much as I did.

It is always pure bliss to come back to your roots. Home is Love afterall. 

I called my mom, luckily she had an off that day and straightaway said,’ Mom, I will reach within few minutes, I am very hungry, make me something nice.’ I am not a dainty eater, but this time I wanted to make demands. She replied, ‘ We are already ready with your favorite food.’

Ahaa..! What else I could have asked for?

I looked out of the window feeling even more ecsatic and joyful now.

P.S. The allergy left me within hours of reaching my city.

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Thanks for reading.

 

 

Did he or she just reject me ?

 

Few days back, my Mom and I went to Golden Temple, located in Amritsar, Punjab, India. It is one of the most revered sites for Sikhs and over a lakh people visit it daily.

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Golden Temple, Amritsar

Golden Temple has four entrances, depicting the openness towards all people and has a free community kitchen that serves all regardless of any distinction. You will see people from all walks of life there being treated equally. All have to sit on the floor to have to have the meal (langar).

All are equal.

( So why you will be ever rejected? )

On our way back from Amritsar, we had our seats behind a modern young teen couple in the bus. In most part of their journey, they wore their funky glares, and clicked selfies. They were so cute.

Anyway, my mom found the girl very beautiful. When I saw the girl, I found her just normal. When the bus stopped, mom again pointed that how beautiful were her eyes, and I reluctantly said a ‘yes’.

Also, I never really get the fixation people have with eyes. I don’t really see eyes showing any emotions, but I have had  quite a few people in my life who have tried to explain to me how eyes speak more than the words that come from the mouth or to say the least convey hidden emotions, but again their words fall on my deaf years, as I haven’t experienced much of it, so I can’t really relate to it. However, I really don’t deny the special traits of the eyes  that help us not only  in seeing but also projecting the emotions, as many poets and shayars, have spoken about them, written amazing songs on them, so something like this perhaps would exist.

So, coming back to the story, the girl was beautiful not for me but for my mom. I found her just normal.

So did I just reject the girl ?

Beauty is such a personal choice and perspective , not only in terms of physical aspects but also in terms of the internal aspects.

That is why, some people will like ,accept and appreciate the way you are and others might not.

Not every one will see you as a jar of nutella.
Not being beautiful in eyes of someone else will only hurt you, if you have not really liked, accepted and appreciated the way you are.

If you are a person made out of self love, you would be Ok, even if others say you are ‘Ugly’.

And here is why you will feel ‘ Ok ‘,

The elixir is that the definition of beauty varies from person to person. Not being seen as beautiful by someone doesn’t make you any less beautiful.

Just like my mom found the girl to be gorgeous, however for me she was just the simple girl next door. Our perceptions of beauty were different, and the point is if my mom’s and my opinion about her beauty internal or external were shared with the girl, the girl should have remained unperturbed, because it’s just a perception.

Anything that is created by the higher power, in no way is less.

So, how could the girl be any less.

This brings to me the arranged marriage system of the Indian society, especially, the middle class, where people assume that they have a right to choose and reject somebody. Things have changed with modern times, but still I see some cases here and there where things turn up somewhat bad for the girl or the boy’s self esteem if they don’t happen to be the chosen ones. Hysterical.Weird.;! How can someone even think that they have the right to reject other person?

So does this rejection actually happen or we take things in the wrong way??

Most of the times, people actually feel dejected after their rejection  at the so called arranged marriage proposal or you talk about any rejection in relation general.

First of all, the right thing to say is that there is no thing as rejection in a marriage proposal or in a relationship proposal. The only thing is matching. The match was not the right one.

What we need to be aware of is that one is not being rejected or marked with a lifetime tag of undesirable.

It’s just that the definition of beauty, whatever it may be physical, internal, materialistic, of both the parties didn’t match.

Yes.Yes. Yes. This is it. Stop putting the unnecessary burden on yourself of your inadequacy.

I have seen people crying themselves to sleep, just because of this, what they think is their rejection.

It’s only that the definition of beauty of you and the other person,didn’t match. You don’t have to believe that anything was less in you.

Let me say the main point, again , so that whoever needs it( we all need it at some point ), can absorb it fully. ‘ The definition of beauty of both the parties didn’t match. The way the other sees beauty and the way you see beauty is different. It wasn’t something you both were looking for.’
Not being taken after the arranged marriage meeting, doesn’t make you worth less. It’s only the perception difference.

It’s a all a game of perceptions, I may or may not perceive you beautiful and my perception however, good or bad it may be, shouldn’t have the power to  make  your belief in yourself any less.
Something as fickle as a perception, shouldn’t be able to shake your belief.
Self love is the key that fits in all the locks.

Self love is a daily practice. It is about being aware of how many times one puts oneself down, has self sabotaging thoughts and affirming the thoughts of self love in those very moments.

It’s about learning to give yourself the unconditional love that you seek from others. Yes, love yourself. We all need love and it is all within you. You need not go searching out somewhere. Practice love every single moment. Your world will change for the better, if you just love yourself, you deserve it totally and unconditionally.

You are always beautiful and what others say is just a perception, which will mostly keep on changing.

You can never be rejected. You are pure love, only if you feel that way.

We were all created by the most powerful, how can we be anything less than whole.

We are all accepted only if we accept ourselves.

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Thank you for dropping by !And good luck for your journey of Self Love.We are all walking different paths but our paths might cross somewhere. See you there !

 

 

Girl who could not fall in Love

If you are reading this, let me guess, either you have been intrigued by the title or you are just reading because you saw the word ‘Love’.

Of course, anything that has life seeks love and is love itself. So, are you.

Yes, the very essence of your being is love. Yet, only few of us have found it.

Most of my life, I used to feel bad because I didn’t interact much. But now I know that I am an introvert and it’s my nature, so I have learnt to embrace myself.

I know it’s Ok to be quiet and I no longer force myself to be a part of a discussion unlike earlier times.

Now, when I know about me better , I do better.

Just like Maya Angelou said once,

‘ When you know better, you do better.’

So, the thing I am writing  here is all about bringing awareness, so that we know better and then do better.

We all love certainty. Don’t we? We hate not knowing what will be the outcome.

How many of us are scared to express our feelings just because we might be disappointed by the response or will be left feeling hurt or maybe even feel guilty and shameful of having done that later on?

I guess the number will be more than what could be counted on the fingers.

So, the first thing that we can all be aware of is that to express or confess your feelings first is an act of courage, which one shouldn’t refrain from. Perhaps such acts should be appreciated by one and all.

 

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Expressing  feelings

 

Saying ‘ I Love You’ first is a brave move.

Because you know there is an emotional risk of getting hurt and never having those feelings reciprocated.

By being the first one to confess love, you are not being desperate or putting yourself down or losing the battle of love or saying to the other person that you are needy of love.

You are just expressing your appreciation and letting them know the value they have in your life.

And trust me it’s a very brave move, especially in this era, where ego comes into play a lot.

So, is there any way of not facing the risk of getting hurt?

A big ‘ No ‘.

There will always be some risk.

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And if you are trying not to take the risk that is if you try to shut yourself down and try to escape fear, by not expressing yourself, then you will never be able to experience joy, happiness and love fully.

Because joy, happiness, fear, guilt, shame, love all originate from the same place and if you try to block fear, you will block happiness and joy as well.

So, in order to truly express, you will have to take the risk, you will have to be vulnerable, you will have to be open to hurt because there is no other way of fully feeling Love , Joy, Happiness and many more good things.

 

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Isn’t this worth taking a risk?

 

Apply this on any of your life situations and you will know how it works.

So, to summarise this, I would like to use these words of gem by Dr. Brene Brown from the book ‘ Daring Greatly ‘.

Love is uncertain. It’s incredibly risky. And loving someone leaves us emotionally exposed. Yes, it’s scary and yes, we are open to being hurt, but can you imagine your life without loving or being loved?

So,

# Awareness 1

It’s a brave move to take the risk of expressing oneself first and the only way to experience pure joy.

Now, you must have heard the famous line,

” Pyaar kiya nhi jata, pyaar ho jata h “

‘You don’t intend to fall in love, it just happens’

And all those who are in Love would definitely agree with this.

The girl mentioned  in the title also believed in this.

But then she couldn’t fall in love so what went wrong?

She was born in the 90’s and  had grown up  believing in the ‘Love’ shown in bollywood movies such as Dil toh pagal hai, DDLJ , just to name a few. She was a die hard romantic, at least what she believed herself to be.

So far everything was good in her life until she got a proposal. A proposal worth considering.

But much to her surprise, she found herself choking. She felt uneasy and uncomfortable.

She couldn’t fathom that what was stopping her from saying a ‘Yes’ to the proposal .

Unable to handle her eccentric behaviour ,she decided to say a ‘No’.

A year down the line, she got another proposal. Again, she felt a shiver down the spine and was again going restless, but as the proposal was decent, this time she decided to ignore her anxiety and said a ‘Yes’.

Two months into the relation and she felt drained of all her energy.

She was not at all her own self in the relation. Every time through her actions, she was trying to prove herself worthy of her partner’s affection.

She would go out of the way to do things for her partner and this would leave her exhausted. Even though not once had her partner asked or expected her to be somebody else than her own self.

But she had become someone else, it was all becoming a pretense and unable to take  the myriads of emotions of anger, disgust and frustration that she felt, she finally ended her relation.

Surely, it hurt, but at least she could breathe now.

One year down the line, while driving, she got the answer.

The reason she choked on the thought of someone loving her was because

She hadn’t loved herself yet.

Yes, she hadn’t.

She didn’t consider herself worthy of love she was getting.

She doubted if she deserved love.

As she hadn’t embraced herself yet, it surprised her how could someone else.

So she would go out of the way to prove that she deserved the love.

And this was the reason behind all her exhaustion.

More often than not, things don’t work out , just because you start becoming someone else, you start changing yourself, not because you want to be better, but because you want to prove something to your partner.

You feel that you are less in some way and that you are not enough. You start wearing masks and you lose not only your self but your relation as well.

Just because, you don’t Love yourself fully.

# Awareness 2

Loving oneself is the most important thing (in a relation).

To sum it up, lines from the song ‘Dhunki ‘

‘ Karle khud se he pyaar bandeya

Hai jahan Ki tujh ko khabar

Khud se hai pr Tu bekhabar

Lai le apni v saar bandeya ‘

‘You know about the world, but not about yourself

Fall in love with yourself, find the meaning of your existence’

Thanks for reading !

And I will be happy to hear your views on this.

References:

  • Dr. Brene Brown, ‘Daring Greatly’
  • Anita Moorjani’s video

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There is a lot in a Name !

There’s a person in our family who is quite fair, but is called ‘Kaala’. No function goes by where his leg isn’t pulled.

I ,myself, get irritated, when someone calls me ‘Gudhiya’. I have a name, I immediately wish to retort that every single time.

Not to forget the namesakes, I had in both my school as well as graduation days. Being categorised into ‘Moti’ and ‘Patli’ Ravneet wasn’t pleasing either.

Saif Ali too faced much back-lash, when he named his son ‘Taimur Ali Khan’ thinking it was named after ‘Timur Lang’- the ruler who conquered the sub-continent.

So,

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My Insta account, its name is very dear to me.

 

For me, there is something in a name and also for Ayushmann Khurrana’s father.

My heart would skip a million beats, if I see my name somewhere in a magazine or a book, alongwith my work, of course.

Also, just for the information, in our family, there is a tradition of deriving the first alphabets of our names from the holy book of the Sikhs, Shri Guru Granth Sahib.

The famous bollywood actor, ‘Ayushmann Khurrana’, has two ‘n’ and two ‘r’ in his first and last name respectively. His father, P. Khurrana, is a well known astrologer in North India and believes in correct numerology of names, though Ayushmann doesn’t.

 

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P. Khurrana with his son Ayushmann

 

Names also have the power to describe the progressive outlook of a family.

I recently went to my family friends, they had the name of their daughter written on the name plate outside their house, who was married abroad. I felt quite elated after seeing that.

 

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A Name plate depicting the progressive outlook

 

And now here’s a quick tip to build the connection faster in your relations.

The top three words that grab human attention are:

•Free

•Sex

•Name

So, go ahead and call your beloved by his/her name to melt her down and to make faster connections with people less known to you.

But the main motive of me writing this article, is not to emphasize the importance of names, but to talk about the contrary.

Ghost writers are writers for hire who take money but none of the credit for the work produced.

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So, you can say they are making money by helping out others with their work at the time of  need.

But what about others who wear the robe of anonymity, have fake ids and spit out the harshest words ever.

And as a matter of fact, the emotions of humilation, shame, which one goes through after receiving such words, are felt the deepest by humans even more than joy.

We, all are aware of Cyber bullying. The internet trolling and cyber stalking that happens through electronic means.

The people around me have always been very supportive, positive and kind. And I can never be grateful enough for that.

But when I stumble upon some of the vicious comments people write online. I am a bit taken aback.

Cyber- bullying can be in different forms:

  • Posting any kind of humiliating content of the victim.
  • Hacking the victim’s account.
  • Sending or posting vulgar messages online.
  • Threatening to commit acts of violence.
  • Stalking by means of calls, messages, etc..
  • Threats of child pornography.

There are two strata of the society, one which is spiritually evolving and the one which is not even knowing the meaning of compassion.

Kindness is free and it doesn’t hurt, says Lady Gaga. Her words are so simple yet profound.

The least we can do is not to be rude if we can’t be kind.

Let’s not wear a cloak of invisibility in this online world and push people towards excruciating pains, public humiliations that at times even cost them their lives.

Let’s choose our words wisely and not belittle people sitting behind our screens.

Let’s not create a culture of fear and hatred  where people are scared to express themselves.

Let’s condition ourselves to be kind again.

Let’s be good again.

Here’s a link to a must watch video, to know the devastating effects of online bullying.

Thank you for reading !!!

 

References- Text highlighted in blue

https://blog.ipleaders.in/anti-bullying-laws/amp/

 

 

 

Why my ‘Ayushmann’ never shows up?

Remember, the scene in the bollywood movie Vicky Donor, where Yami Gautam, the female protagonist, is standing alone savouring her drink and then Ayushmann, the male protagonist, jumps in and starts flirting in his typical Punjabi style.

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Still from Vicky Donor

Now, I have stood alone in almost all the events, that I have attended, (because my interests never really help me in getting company) but never really found any Ayushmann lurking around.

Whenever, I go to any event, and have some minutes to spare, I take a walk around the place and find the most quiet place. My aim is to basically find a spot where I am the only person present.

For instance, during the lunch break of one of the events, having a footfall of nearly 600,I quickly found a spot, ate my lunch and  started exploring the remotest parts of the building. And if any of you likes finding the most quiet place,  you would have found  me sitting on an elevated platform, with  greenery and beautiful trees

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TedX Chd 2016

 

all around and of course, with a paper and a pen, noting down something ,  and with no one to be seen in the vicinity. It’s quite evident from the picture, right?

And I am pretty sure, this is the reason why my ‘Ayushmann ‘ never shows up because I am always out of his arena. And he is too busy with his people.

At least, it is a good excuse to appease my heart !

Hum ko maalum hai jannat ki haqiqat lekin, Dil ko khush rakhne ko ‘ Ghalib ‘ ye khayal acha hai ‘

-Mirza Ghalib