Hold Up

I stay longer than I should in the situations that make me uneasy and uncomfortable. Because it’s me, so it’s fine. I overthink to the point where I am almost on the verge of a headache. All my decisions are made at the last moment. And once the decision is made I wonder if it’s the right one.

Lately, I have been realising I am best at finding faults within me even in the situations where they are none. As you might have inferred by now, I question my own worth most of the times. It is difficult for me to put myself¬† first. Even after so many years of hearing and listening about self worth, self love , positive affirmations and many more things, there is still a long road ahead. However, I am so proud that I am more aware now trying to stay in my Happy space, keeping a check on my thought patterns and many such things. After all ” Healing is a daily process. ” as quoted by Rupi Kaur.

So, I just wanted to share what I am practising these days is based on one of my observations. When I see any of my family members going through some physical discomfort or any problem in their life, I support them fully going out of my comfort zone always. I put their priorities and need at the top always. It comes naturally. You can say, I am willing to speak and stand for them. But this doesn’t happen when it is about me.

So, lately when I am in a situation where I am like backing off by saying that it’s all fine, I start imagining that there is an inner child in me who needs my support and I need to stand and support her. This gives me the courage to do things by stepping out of my comfort zone for her. And this has helped me in some situations. Try doing it for the Inner Child who unconsciously and unintentionally got neglected when you were young. Give her the Love that she deserver.

Since now you know better, so do better…

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Thanks for visiting ūüôā !

Comparison

Remember, how all the things are just going smoothly in your life, all is well in your paradise until someone tells how they got this new job with a package triple than yours or when someone just casually remarks that you know you could have done better and then all these thoughts of that other person give a migraine to you. Relatable anyone?

Comparison can only hurt when you are insecure about your space.

For instance, there are times when you feel intimidated rather than feeling happy for people earning more than you or may be people who are looking better than you.

Just repeating it now,

Comparison can only hurt when you are insecure about your space.

Just think what it’s like to come from a place that is secure. Whatever you earn, whatever you do, whatever you feel, these are all your choices, isn’t it fantastic? This is your world, make it your happy space. It’s all about feeling content with what you have and then looking out for better prospects because your world is ever expanding.

It’s not about money, looks or even for that matter the status a person has rather it’s about the quality of life that one leads.

Your friend might be earning 1 Lakh a month and you must be only earning 20k, but you can’t berate yourself for this.¬† First things first, you should be feeling happy when people around you are growing . It’s good. And secondly, you should be secure about your world and be in a happy space. Even if you earn 20k , you should own it proudly. You are happy in your own world, say it loudly and proudly. (Money and¬† looks are so overrated and the quality of life is so underrated .)

I know, it is easier written than observed in life. As quoted by the famous poet Rupi Kaur¬†‘Healing is a daily process’, so¬† you need to repeat it to yourself many times before it actually gets absorbed by your brain.

Just think how happy and content you are when not comparing because your world is a very secure,ever growing and a very happy place.

Feel proud of your world and you will be inspiring so many.

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Thanks for reading !

Fixing the Present

Few days or months might have passed since the incident but now you feel sad for responding in that particular way at that time.

Think of the situation, where you feel like you weren’t able to express nicely or you should have replied a ‘Yes’ instead of a ‘No’ or you shouldn’t have expressed your feelings at all…

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Just for you to know, it was the best you could have responded , according to your feelings , mood and situation,  at that time.

Now, you are in a different space altogether, so you may feel the response could have been something different. But no,¬†you couldn’t have responded in a better way then. So, go easy on yourself. It has been all good in the past.

Probably, your present thought pattern of resentment, regret or frustration about that incident requires more fixing. Back then it all was perfect.

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Thanks for reading.¬† It’s just how I feel. I am not sure if I can endorse this for everyone out there.

Change

IMG-20180722-WA0019What’s the matter

with the twirling thoughts in my mind

When I am at home,

I desire to move out and explore

When out for some time,

I wish I was at my home

My thoughts are slowly

but surely learning that

Right Now

I am

where I wanted to be

or

where I will want to be

May I get the vision

that sees ‘Right Now’ as the right place

And the wisdom which tells

that ‘Change’ will always be

my final destination

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Thanks for dropping by !

 

The Morning Miss

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On my daily journey to my place of work, I don’t really pay attention to the trees lined up on either side of the road. Most of the days, I am worried on how the day would go. And on other days, I am just planning my day during my morning commute. And this anxiety of mine, this habit of mine to play the events in my mind before they get played in real life, make me oblivious to the ever present calmness of nature. I miss this part of connecting with the nature almost daily.

On my way back, I am ,more often than not, conscious about the swaying of trees and the sun set. So, just once in a day, I feel something about my presence, because I feel the presence of nature in the evening.

But what if, the morning passes without me noticing any trees and the evening never shows up for me?

Also, so far, I have seen on almost every occassion, no matter how less I am prepared for the day or no matter how much worried I am, the things of concern, the things that steal the ‘now’ from me, are always taken care of, that is, they always go right somehow. There is some power operating which knows just the right thing for me. (I know it is too good and even sounds too good, to be true, however, things are just always moving in the right direction ). So all my worries and plannings (at the wrong time) don’t really serve any puropse, except one, that I miss the viridscent shade of trees.

Yes, I have to learn to relax my mind in the morning as well, I can’t just live half my life.

Yes. Yes. Healing is a daily process.

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Thanks for reading !!!

 

One and only

IMG_20180617_135335

Tears welled up in her eyes

as she stared at me in anguish

Warm tears rolled down my eyes,

affirming how deeply Sorry I was,

seeing her hurt and scathed

I knew,

I  hardly held her hand tightly,

losing parts of her everywhere

I knew,

I had cheated on her

by giving her anything less than what she truly deserved

She deserved the garden and its feathers

I knew,

I had failed to put the armor on,

when she longed to safeguard her heart and feelings,

she gave too much

and now,

the emptiness flowed in her heart

Warm tears rolled down

her cheeks,

as she screamed ,

You were the only one 

I could count on’

………

#self love

 

 

 

 

 

Blessed !

IMG_20180506_055210.JPG

I have freed myself
from the desire

The perpetual desire
of having
flowers of your appreciation                    that smell attention

I no longer                                                      desire your flowers                                      to validate and assure me                          of my worth

The perpetual desire left me                      but how

It left me

when

I blessed myself with a flower
that
was rooted in the soil of my worthiness grew in the sunshine of my love
and
bloomed in the air of acceptance

I became my own flower.

 

Not about me !

https___blogs-images.forbes.com_startswithabang_files_2017_12_flying-galaxy-in-cluster

My frowns and tears

even after so many years

fail to assimilate that

it’s not always about me

Yes, it’s not¬† about me

I have to play a role

that is

not only aligned

with my calling

but also paves the way for the rest

to get closer to their calling

I have to lose my certainties and securities

because

everything that’s happening

is not about me

It’s about something much bigger than me

 

 

 

Scathed

 

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As a kid, I created questions for everything

As a young girl, I still do

But what I do more often these days

is build up explanations and interjections

that account my behavior, actions and gestures

I weave from my words

a beautiful and right story

that firstly, premiers in my mind

and then hit the screens of people

The story that is devoid of any errors

of rejections, failures, insecurities, weaknesses or mistakes

and that only comprises strengths, securities, successes and winnings

I have lost my real courage

courage of showing the real

The courage

that expressed and embraced my flaws

that stood firm beside my mistakes

that enveloped my wrong decisions in its arms

that proudly announced my falls

What I hold on to cautiously

are the fragile and pretentious layers

of all the right and good things

which together support

the insecure ego

the ego that is an imposter

that has deceived the real me

that has wrapped me in a

shining, glittery gift wrap of acceptance and attention

the wrap that one day will get torn

and leave me bruised and scathed

Will leave me bruised and scathed

Hurtful-Words

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Thanks for reading !

 

 

 

 

 

Freedom from bad memory

 

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So this incident happened in beginning of 2017 and now it’s almost mid of 2018. I¬†couldn’t think of this incident without throwing myself into a pool of anger and distress. Our conversation then happened in such a rush, that I couldn’t really frame my response and I had to leave the room with a tang of some hurting thoughts in my mind.

What bothers me is not his behavior at that time, but how I could have handled the situation better because somewhere I had already felt that the fizz of mortification bubbling up within me, as I listened and left the room. I could have responded then and there.

So, more than a year had passed and I still found myself sailing in the same boat of my hurt feelings, when that incident crossed my mind. I was upset and sad because I was responsible for hurting myself and it was something that was popping time and again.

But¬†recently I happened to listen to Eckhart Tolle, the modern day spiritual guru and writer of the interinternational best seller ‘The Power of Now’ and that¬†kind of relaxed my mind.

The reason I was gravitated into this pool of grief every time the thought of that¬†incident crossed my mind was ,because I was guilty and I couldn’t account for my behavior to myself.

But Eckhart, says¬†one shouldn’t feel guilty, as one behaved at that moment according to one’s consciousness and awareness at that time. One¬†didn’t know any better way then.

Also, as Maya Angelou, the world renowned poetess says, ‘ When you know better, you do better’.

The words of these¬†highly revered people put my mind to ease. I had performed in that incident to best of my ability, the best I could do. So, there’s no point of getting upset again and again because of the guilt. Now, that I have learnt¬†it through a bitter¬†way,¬†I will¬† respond better the next time or you can say, respond in¬†the best way I know¬†or¬† my¬†consciousness knows at that moment. This awareness, kind of freed me from the guilt. It really did help him.

Here’s the link of the video, that helped me.

I hope this article and the video shared help you in some way.

Thanks for reading !